I've diagnosed myself. After months of doctors, therapists, friends and a few too many glasses of wine I've figured it all out. I burned out: mentally, physically, emotionally. I needed a step back to look at what was most important to me, to acknowledge that I'm still young and have the rest of my life to be successful, and start reevaluating myself inside and out.
I stopped eating wheat.
It's funny how it took 24 years for a doctor to actually diagnose me with a food allergy, considering I've gone to doctors for my entire life and even more specialists than I care to count. The rashes, the exhaustion, swelling of my fingers and lips...it all came down to the fact that for an undetermined length of time, my body actually rejected what I unknowingly ate on a daily basis. It's been almost six months now living a gluten-free, dairy-free lifestyle. I can't say it's always easy (I am a New Yorker after all...pizza, bagels, etc) but the pros most definitely outweigh the cons. And because of this, I've started cooking more, finding new recipes and being very conscious of what I am consuming, food and other things alike. But please, I'm still a novice, so feel free to share any tips/recipes in the comments.
I've started to enjoy music.
It's hard to believe that it was over five years ago that I started Underrated at the young age of 19. A friend of mine who I've known since that very beginning told me that I started too young. I never really thought about it that way, but it has infact shed light on why I started to become so jaded towards the end. I burned out. For so long I had engrossed myself in this "music scene"—it was both my personal and my professional life and there was no start or end to the constant craziness it contains.
In short, I stopped having fun.
It's been four months since I quit CMJ and now I work in a completely unrelated field in a job I happen to quite enjoy. When the day is over, I don't think too much about my profession, instead I have the pleasure of unwinding, relaxing, and finding solace in the company I keep. But since most of the company I do keep happens to still be involved in the music industry, I now have an opportunity of being on the outside looking in.
And I quite like the view from here.
The past couple week's I've attended shows as a fan, that person inside of me that got into this whole mess at the very beginning. I've danced and sang along without worrying of who I am impressing, smiling from ear to ear in the mere revelation that this is what I actually enjoy. I questioned that too many times, I think, and now I'm more sure than ever. I love music. But I don't like the music industry, that's for sure.
Tuesday night I found myself at Pianos, a place where I've spent oh so many Tuesday nights before. But this week I felt as if I had a weight lifted off my shoulder. And I happened to catch a set but the wonderful Tereu Tereu who were exactly what I needed to experience—catchy melodies, bouncing rhythm, and a hell of a live show.
It feels good to be back.