Cause we're out dragging the river, trying to find something missing. But everyone we know is here and nothing that we have is gone...
There are five words I never thought I'd utter out of my mouth or on this blog: I live in Staten Island.
You see, before I met Pat, I never really thought anything of this borough. It never dawned on me to take the Staten Island Ferry, or that I'd one day be living there, in a house, with a car. Am I on my way to the white picket fence? Not exactly. But yet the only reactions I've received so far are either the obligatory: "so when are you guys getting married," or the more offensive, "Wow, you are so old." I cringe at the originality.
I am only 24. I don't think that I should be defined by my age, or that by moving out of the city and moving in with a guy that consistently makes me laugh should be anything of negative connotation. I'm sure one day I'll marry him, but I don't think that is going to be anytime soon. But it is to be noted that this is the only person that tells me I'm weird on a daily basis, and because of that, makes me smile.
I wish I could pinpoint the exact moment in which I decided I had to please everyone. It's funny, when I was a kid, I was so sure of myself that I was almost the class bitch -- the queen bee who would be friends with one person one day and then disregard them the next. It's amazing how that confidence and power can fade with time, as I now am constantly seeking everyone's approval, and frankly it's exhausting. Because I like going home after work, cooking dinner, and watching one of the million TV shows I'm currently addicted to. Sure, I like going out once in a while but gone are the days of 4 o'clock bar hops, random strangers, and wasted days. How I ever survived that lifestyle is beyond me, because looking back, I don't think I was happy.
Let's talk about something I do enjoy: driving. We took all of a savings and decided to lease a car, in spite of the crumbling economy and high gas prices. Sure, I no longer have the luxury of 24-hour bodegas at every corner, Whole Foods, or the millions of takeout options like I had living in the city, but now I can drive! I forgot how much fun it is to sing at the top of your lungs...I always get such strange looks on the subway when I do that.
Side note: the ultimate combination is, however, driving and smoking a cigarette (close second to a cup of coffee, of course). I do miss that.
In short, life changes, and it can change quickly but in this past year of all the mishaps and chaos that I've experienced, I always knew that it was me who was making those choices. Maybe the little queen bee is buzzing out of me again. Watch out.
Mason Proper's fantastic album Olly Oxen Free is now out on Dovecote Records. Buy it here, here, or here as soon as you possibly can. It's most definitely a contender for #1 album of the year.