His head was a city
Of paper buildings
And the echoes that remained
Of old friends and lovers
Their features bleeding
Together in his brain
And once it started was harder to
Tell them apart
He was always distracted
By the very mention
Of an open door
'Cause he had sworn not to be what he'd been before
To be a remain remain remain remainder
It has been over a month since my last severe allergy attack. What was once such a fear of my daily life is now a distant memory, proved witness only by the dozens of iPhone pictures of swollen lips and hives. Dare I say that I feel normal? I'm not quite sure if there is such a thing, but for so long of my life striving for the abnormal I'm taking much comfort in the routine, a bit of the mundane, and very much a security that things may be for the best. One day I'll feel guilty for making this change, but I have a feeling it will pass. For so much of my life I was obsessed with the idea of growing up. I wanted to be an adult, with responsibilities, a job, an office, title and telephone to call my own. I used to love going to my dad's office and pretending it was my own. And now, I've grown up. And it feels right.
I started my new job this week and it's quite a departure from my last few positions. There's a definite structure to the company, and while I may be at the bottom I feel already overwhelmed by my responsibilities, unsure of whether I'll be able to pull it off in the end, but confident in the fact that at the root of all the ways I can define myself—computer nerd is one that is always justified. Speaking of definitions, it's come to my attention that for the past five years I've defined myself by my job. I'm trying hard not to do that these days. I've also come to terms with the fact that some of my friends may have just been my friends because of my jobs. Part of life, I suppose.
Although its been rather hot and humid out in New York this week, the warmth has felt so positive on my body. I think I was hiding away for the past two months, embarrassed of myself. It feels good to be outside, amongst the city that I fall in love with more and more each day. Except when the newspaper ink ends up on my face...that, I could do without.
Since I no longer work in the music industry, I've taken joy in listening to music for pure enjoyment. One such album is the new Death Cab For Cutie one, Narrow Stairs. While it's taken me a bit longer than expected to get into it, I've grown quite fond of the West Coast band's new execution. It feels natural. We all fall into our own strides. When did I become so philosophical?
Anyways, I like this song "Long Division" very much. If only because I've started doing math on a daily basis for the first time since high school. Long division was always my favorite. Call me what you want.
Death Cab For Cutie - Long Division [YouSendIt]
P.S. How cute is my boyfriend?
Photo by Luke Robinson