I'm Okay, Okay....

The morning's hot and harsh.
My notebook fills itself.
The words come thick with sweat.
But it feels like someone else
is writing all of this.
Someone I just can't believe
So I mop my brow, set my pen back down.
Still me, still me

I blame Kevin Devine. I blame him for getting me into this mess, for getting me out, and putting me back into introspective thinking. The night I decided to quit my job I listened to this Brooklyn boy, and here I am, about a month later, listening again. Trying to figure it out, make sense of life and where it brings you—ow I ended up laying in this bed in this apartment and why it happened. I guess I'm just trying to figure out what my place is in this world. And why Kevin Devine, and sometimes Oprah, always make me think there's reason behind it all.

I'm glad I went to the show on Sunday. After a late night on Saturday at Pat's show, I spent much of the day in a lethargic daze, unable to envision returning to Brooklyn, let alone the same street less than 24 hours since I left it. I tried stealing some of Katie's excitement before, but found myself only harboring in on monetary situations, a conversation I had with my father earlier in the day, and the utter desire for the sigh that would be Monday. But I couldn't.

It took a few songs for me to feel lost (in a good way) in the beautiful Music Hall Of Williamsburg. Upon walking in, all I could think of was the wonder I once felt walking into North Six and how this, like everything, has been renovated, made anew. Once I put that mourning behind me, and found myself staring wide-eyed at the red-headed singer in front of me, I decided that everything was going to be okay. Because if Kevin says so, I have to believe him, right?

How could I not.

Save The Date: After The Jump, June 21

In a few short months, it will be Summer and that means the second annual After the Jump Fest! Bigger, better with even more acts and surprise guests, this year the festival takes place along side the city wide music event, Make Music New York (which itself is a part of the worldwide music phenomenon that takes place in 300 cities in 108 countries) on the first day of Summer, June 21st.

After the Jump Fest is the effort of 20 New York City music bloggers whose goal is to help new artists gain exposure while raising money for struggling school music programs. This year, After the Jump is teaming up with The Music Hall of Williamsburg and Galapagos Art Space for a festival stretching from noon until last call. In the next few months, After the Jump blogs will be making more announcements about the festival including new artists and pre-parties. Stay tuned and in the mean time, check out AftertheJumpFest.com for information on our past events and mark your calendars! It's going to be a doozy.

AFTER THE JUMP IS ORGANIZED BY:
themusicslut . batteringroom . disconap . earfarm . ryspace . irockiroll . merryswankster . softcommunication . theunderratedblog . sitdownstandup . watercoolergossip . bumpershine . themodernage . productshopnyc . subinev . punkphoto . poptartssucktoasted . stereoactivenyc . jinners

For press opportunities such as interviews with the organizers or bands, please contact publicity@afterthejumpfest.com
For sponsorship and all requests, contact producer Jennifer Kellas: jkellas@afterthejumpfest.com

Saturday.

More info here.

The Paper - 1.1

Is it wrong I really enjoyed watching the premiere episode of MTV's The Paper? Perhaps after being officially bored with The Hills today, the station's latest reality try—this time in the setting of a high school's news room—came off as witty, entertaining, and highly addictive. But maybe it's because I related to the young teens quest to become Editor In Chief. Although when I got the position my senior year, no one was plotting a coup d'etat. I don't think.

As the four gunning for the position took the walk to find the piece of paper that would determine the rest of their lives (okay, not exactly but go with me), I specifically remembered my own walk. It's the little dramas in our lives that are so important in their settings, and frankly—it makes for great TV. Who doesn't want to see Amanda overcome her patronizing and succeed at leading a staff? Who doesn't want that lame couple to break up so that it's awkward city in the staff room? And, by god, let's hope that they win all those awards again or else brace yourself for some mental breakdowns. Because in the first five seconds of the show, truth was spoken: journalists are the most important people in the world.

Amen, sister.

Van Helsing Boombox

When anything that's anything becomes nothing that's everything
And nothing is the only thing you ever seem to have
But only time will tell if I'll allow
the scenery around to eat me alive

I survived over a week without a computer. This should be a feat in itself. I now mourn the loss of over 10 years of work—writing that I may never see again, and the start and finish of a project that seems further and further with each day. But I will not let me get this down, because I'm trying oh so hard to be optimistic given the state of my life right now. My only hope is that this cannot last too much longer.

I've recently been recounting specific periods of my life, and it's funny how much you can forget, even at only 23. The most monumental things become appropriate bullet points in the time line, but its the smaller decisions, the quick phases that really shape a character. I had forgotten I once started a email newsletter for Felicity that, when I really think about it, basically shaped the rest of my life. I remembered the move from California to New Jersey, how I couldn't find a dance class and so easily gave it up, when it had consumed my life only days before. We're fickle beings, and I'm finding that may be one of my biggest detriments, or benefits, depending on the day, of course.

The first song of Man Man I heard was "Van Helsing Boombox," where the quote above is from. The sound and lyrics of that song combined do a perfect representation of chaos. I admit I started to go a bit stir crazy in my apartment this week. If I don't leave, I cannot spend any money, I rationalized. But now I'm determined to find some spots with with free wifi in my neighborhood. Any one know of any in Chelsea? Today I shelled out the 9 dollars to sit in Starbucks, but that seems to not justify my previous reasoning. Humph.

Friendship

I froze my hands
Broke my fingers off
Gave them to my friends as a gift
Because a rift has formed between us.

I always loved that line from Mason Proper's song "Friendship." It's one of those very strange images that makes complete sense once you hear it, but for only a split second, of course. It's charming and disturbing—the kind of dichotomy I fall in love with.

Irony is a funny thing. I have spent the past two weeks basically cleaning up my life, feeling guilty about removing parts that I've held so dear, and taking on new occurrences, thoughts, dreams. It's actually my dreams that are throwing me for a loop, the subconscious ones and not, which can battle and befriend at the same time. But in a swift move of "a ha" my computer died yesterday, the hard drive completely failed, and all the things that I had always planned on holding on to, have been removed from my life. And somehow I'm left without a job, without a computer, and paralleling one of my favorite shows on television. Sure, I'm on no island, but I am trying to figure out what the hell is going on around me.

Luckily, I tend to be an eternal optimist. And frankly, I always think that things happen for a reason so I'm off to search exactly what one is. Who knows, maybe this time next week everything will have changed again.

Of course, it only really takes one thing to lift my spirits, and anything pop culture related pleases me to the core. Which is why I was thrilled to see my name forever imprinted on the wonderful USA Today Pop Culture blog. Click here to read about my silly obsessions with Ethan Hawke, Felicity, and a lot of other embarrassing moments. It was incredibly fun.

In related news, I came in fifth on my first ever Hollywood Draft. Thanks Heath for getting me the most points. (Too soon?)

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"Friendship" by Mason Proper is found on their recently released Shorthand EP, which can be purchased on iTunes.